Left behind, out on the edge, to smile with all walls closing in on me, interiors seeking closure, comfortable borderlines distinct and pretty, infinite and mapping out a precariously wacky, sweet, precocious personality.
Talking to yourself again.
Just thinking out loud, musing, writing. It must be anticipatory nostalgia.
And what exactly are you thinking about?
I’m thinking of Kerry Cohen’s Loose Girl. In fact I just finished it.
Have you given up on The Bell Jar, Girl Interrupted and Marya Hornbacher’s Wasted? I do not want to talk about, debate, and argue about the take of female promiscuity in modern literature this evening. Can we just watch the news or a show in peace? You read too much. You think too much. You should start saving some of the stuff you make a point of throwing away as if it isn’t good enough. It is good enough. It is more than good enough. You should save it.
You should stop interrupting me when I am trying to make a point, when I’m writing and trying to watch you, watch you breathe, the light catch your hair, your neck, your eyes I wanted to say all at the same time. What’s on your itinerary for today?
You are on my itinerary.
You’re going to ruin your posture forever if you’re going to persist on lying on the sofa like that. What do you want to eat? Shouldn’t I just order something? We had the white fish, hake, and pasta this week already, a summer soup, pie and mash, and chicken wings with peppers that came out really pretty on the plate. Did anyone who has ever left this country forsake us and when they came back were they looking for salvation?
I really don’t know the answer to that question.
Do you think I am a good woman?
You want to be celebrated.
All women want to be celebrated. Shut up now I’m trying to follow the dialogue.
You started the conversation.
It was an advertisement.
All women dumb themselves down at some point in their lives.
Is that in response to what I am watching on the television? You think that women dumb themselves down? I can’t believe magicien Nice that you of all people just made that statement.
I am a man who believes in the greater good of the feminist movement but it has also caused a lot of harm.
Women thinking they can be independent, believe in equality when it comes to defining their relationships between men and women, that women can be free spirited, free thinkers and have it all? Isn’t every mother in love with the son that she’s created and the man the he later becomes?
If women don’t dumb themselves down or stop themselves from doing what their mother’s did in response to their father’s inexperience, demonstration of paternal love towards his children’s or a small child’s affection and argumentative attitude all the time they are going to burn themselves out.
Waiting, watching, watching and waiting for him, always for him to make a mark. I study him as he makes his way from room to room. I’m a learner again making an acute observation after observation.